The Wars Between Us
by Mara Jae
Summary: Characters deal with inner battles, love, relationships and losses. Han, Luke, Leia, Mara etc...
1. How Many Times

George Lucas owns Star Wars etc... etc... etc...  
The song "Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" belongs to Phil Collins etc... etc...  
To enjoy or not to enjoy is entirely up to you.  
-Jae  
***  
~We had a life, we had a love,  
But you don't know what you've got 'til you lose it. ~  
Han glanced over at his wife, sleeping restlessly in the oversized copilot's seat next to him. She stirred in her sleep, muttering under her breath. Han reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.   
Chewbacca's dead, Anakin's dead and Jacen's missing. Han felt the despair swallowing him once more. His baby boy was gone. The other's location and fate were unknown. When Chewie had died, he'd pushed, pushed until the dam gave way and a tidal wave of raw emotion forcibly separated him from his family. When Anakin had passed, when his spark had been extinguished, Leia had collapsed, her wailing assaulting his senses. He'd been confused. But he'd known, deep down he'd known. As she attempted to say Anakin's name, his heart had shattered, his faith in the goodness of the Universe had been obliterated and only a raw intuition to hold his wife remained. Now she needed him. He needed her. Their lives were being torn apart. Without each other, what was left?   
~Well that was then and this is now  
And I want you back  
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry.~  
I'm sorry your Highnessness. I'm sorry I couldn't save our sons. I'm sorry for abandoning you, I'm sorry for...  
~I only wanted someone to love  
But something happened on the way to heaven  
It got a hold on me and wouldn't let go  
And I want you back  
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry~   
The Recovery that had ensued Duro had been what had held their marriage together,   
~You can run, and you can hide  
But I'm not leaving less you come with me  
We've had our problems but I'm on your side  
You're all I need, please believe in me.~  
Tears coursed down Han's cheeks as the past confronted him with images of Anakin. Anakin, was he doomed by his namesake? So young, younger than Leia had been when she'd begun working for the rebellion. His entire future, flashed out of existence in one moment. The pain and suffering he'd undergone prior to his death... Leia had felt it all. She needed him now more than ever. He would never leave her again. The rest of his life would be spent making sure her every waking moment wouldn't be as painful as the one before it.  
~How can something so good go so bad  
How can something so right go so wrong  
I don't know, I don't have all the answers  
But I want you back  
How many times can I say I'm sorry~  
Their lives had felt so complete at one point. The Empire defeated, a New Republic in construction, the birth of their children, the marriage of Luke and Mara... the Jedi were rising and then... everything imploded upon itself. The future would forever be changed. The ache of the loss of their youngest child would never leave him. Would never be dulled by time and space. Without Leia, that pain would be unbearable, without Leia there would no longer be reason to live.  
~They say you can't take it with you  
When you go  
And I believe it  
But taking what I've got or being here with you, you know  
I'd rather leave it...  
You can run...~  
As the lights of hyperspace filled the cockpit viewpoint, Han stood and cradled Leia into his arms. He rested once more in his seat as she clung to him desperately.   
  
***  
I want your feedback on this tidbit. I'm thinking about elaborating the scenarios into just moments of time between certain characters. Feelings and thoughts not expressed in one scene or another. Let me know.   
-Jae 


	2. Fear

Hey, ready for another installment? Pit Droid, I'm going to take your advice and see how I can elaborate on the prior entry. Thanks for the reviews and of course: To enjoy or not to enjoy is entirely up to you. Set in VOTF.  
- Jae  
  
***  
~Morning smiles  
Like the face of a newborn child  
Innocent, unknowing.~  
She awoke with a start. Skywalker... She was lying in his arms, her breath was coming in ragged pants, he stirred in his slumber. How long had she been asleep? Her gaze drifted downward to Luke. Luke...  
~Winter's end  
Promises of a long lost friend  
Speaks to me of comfort~  
He'd come for her. Probably thinking he'd perform some grand scale rescue. Typical Skywalker. He still hadn't told her exactly why he had not just allowed Kaarde's people to attend to her situation. Weren't there more pressing matters in the galaxy calling upon the omnipotent Jedi Master? Yet the urgency in his appearance had almost been palpable upon his arrival. The look in his eyes... The past few days had brought about a stirring... of what she was still unsure of... There was so much she wanted to say, so much he needed to hear. She was hesitant, awaiting a sign of his inclination to receive such information. Her hand hovered over his chest, his arm still spread, a gesture he must have provided in sleep. Her lips tingled with a memory, but uncertainty tainted such an idea.  
~But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place  
Tangled up in your embrace  
There's nothing I'd like better than to fall  
But I fear I have nothing to give~  
He'd been running, far much too long. This dance they'd been performing over the past ten years had reached a critical impasse. The melody of the last decade had begun to escalate in the dank of the caves.   
~Wind in time  
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine  
And nothing yields to shelter it from above  
They say temptation will destroy our love  
The never ending hunger~  
She'd watched as other woman had been on his arm. The most painful had been Callista. Was he still searching for the fallen Jedi while lying here with her? Would he forever be on the hunt? Wasting away; drowning in his own anguish? Her fingers traced the line of his lips.   
~But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place  
Tangled up in our embrace  
There's nothing I'd like better than to fall  
But I fear I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
I have nothing to give  
We have so much to lose...~  
She began to tremble as she pulled away to avoid any awkwardness upon his awakening. The barriers were there, even in sleep. How much longer...   
***  
Well what did you think? If you don't like it, tell me. I'm not sure about this one.  
Disclaimers: George Lucas blah blah blah... Sarah McLachlan "Fear" none of which I own blah blah blah  
Till next time boys and girls!  
-Jae 


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